Two work friends grab coffee on their lunch break. AAA is the self-proclaimed free spirit, always full of stories of her experiences with men.” She’s full of stories—weekend adventures, wild DMs, and the occasional club chaos gist. She swears she’s misunderstood, and everyone is out to get her, but her contradictions speak louder than anything else. She calls herself a free spirit, but her expectations come with a checklist and a deadline. BBB is the grounded one, emotionally fluent, tired, and just trying to enjoy her coffee. She has boundaries, respects and understands why they exist. If she is dating, it is intentional. If she is single, it is peaceful. She knows her worth, but she also knows her flaws. She is not looking for a man to complete her; she is looking for someone who complements the life she has already built.  

But today, AAA’s contradictions are louder than the espresso machine. And BBB? She’s running on caffeine and the last thread of patience.  

AAA: I just don’t understand. Like, I’m such a good woman. I’m loyal, I’m fun, I’m not boring. I’ve got personality, I’m not like these dry girls out here. But somehow, I’m always the one left on read. 

BBB: (Sips Coffee) Mmm. Yeah, I hear you.
BBB: (In her head) She says this every week. Always a TED talk with no slides. 

AAA: And I’m not even asking for much. I just want someone tall, fit, makes good money, like six figures…and actually has goals. Like, have your own life, but also make me your topmost priority. Is that too much to ask? 

BBB: Chill obsession, not stalker vibes though…
BBB: You want a man with six figures and a five-year plan, but your resume and cover letter are brainrot terms, brunch captions and 90% AI-generated content. Sure!!! 

AAA: And he has to work out. Like, I can’t be with someone who doesn’t take care of himself. That’s just unattractive. 

BBB: (In her head) You have not smelled a dumbbell since high school PE. Your cardio is running from accountability. Let’s judge someone’s discipline while dodging yours. 

AAA: And it’s not like I am toxic or anything. If I don’t feel it, I don’t feel it, I’m not going to fake it. 

BBB: But you “ALWAYS” say you are single and interested though??? 

AAA: Yeah, I’ll act interested so they don’t get embarrassed…But that doesn’t mean I am interested though. I want someone serious, who doesn’t party every weekend like me, doesn’t flirt with anyone else but me, and doesn’t get bored with me. Basically, someone who’s nothing like me but still obsessed with me. Some who gets sucked in from seeing and talking to me a few times. 

BBB: You say you want someone who doesn’t party, doesn’t flirt, and doesn’t get bored with you… but that’s literally your weekend itinerary. You came on Monday talking about body shots, and you have already invited me to the club this Wednesday. You’re asking for someone to be the opposite of you, but still obsessed with you.  

BBB: I get that opposites attract, but what’s he supposed to do while you’re out every weekend? If he doesn’t have the social battery to tag along, is he just supposed to sit at home, hoping nothing sketchy happens while you’re out flirting with strangers? That’s not a relationship. That’s a fanbase. 

AAA: I am just trying to live my life. I go out, I have fun, I meet people. That doesn’t mean I am not serious. I just don’t want to settle for less. 

BBB: (In her head) You hand out your number like business cards at a networking event but block them before a follow-up. You don’t want to settle for less, but have you ever wondered if you are the “less” that even you wouldn’t settle for? 

AAA: Ugh, and last night? I matched with like four guys. I was on a roll; I got bored before the party started because I got there like an hour early and was on Tender to pass the time. But… one of them said he liked Pokémon, and I got the ick, another was too into his job and too focused on money, which was screaming red flag to me, and the rest were just… boring. I unmatched all of them by morning. I was swiping the whole time anyway. I don’t know, I just wanted to find the one. 

BBB: (In her head) Ugh! Who gets obsessed with you over a few texts in one night except a serial killer or stalker. You want a serious man but the one who was “too into his job and too focused on money” is Red flag??? 

AAA: Honestly, I just don’t know what to do 

BBB: Can I be honest with you? 

AAA: Yes, go ahead  

BBB: First, would you date yourself? 

(AAA blinks, caught off guard) 

BBB: Like, not the version you post. The real you. The one who gets bored fast, ghosts people for saying the wrong thing, and wants loyalty without offering loyalty or honesty in return. Would you feel safe with someone who acts like you do? Would you trust them? Would you build a life with them?  

(Silence) 

BBB: Because if the answer’s no… maybe that’s where the work starts. I don’t know how to help you to be completely honest. I’m not perfect, but the kind of guy you say you want. He’s going to be looking for someone who’s actually ready for that kind of relationship. And respectfully… you’re not showing up like that.” 

AAA: (Clears throat) 

BBB: You say you want someone stable, but you treat consistency like it’s boring. You want emotional maturity, but you ghost people for saying something slightly off or having weird hobbies. You want someone with a career, but you’re not building anything yourself. You say you’re healing, but you’re just avoiding accountability and calling it growth. 

(pauses) 

BBB: I’m not judging you. I’m just saying, if you want something real, you have to be real too. Like… maybe try being the kind of person you keep describing. Maybe then, just maybe, you’ll actually attract someone like that… 

We have all been AAA in some way or another. The goal is not perfection—it is self-awareness. If this hit a little too close to home… good. Growth usually starts with a little emotional ouch. 

And hey, maybe it is not about dating for you. Perhaps it is work. Friendships. That one person you keep ghosting, or the one you talk smack about them behind their back. Not everyone parties or swipes, but everyone has something they protect with a little too much confidence. This is not about calling you out. It is about calling you in. 

So, take a breath. Laugh if you need to.  

Reflect if you are ready.  

And if you felt targeted… that is the point.