Feeling lonely or disconnected is normal human emotion. We all experience it from time to time. Prolonged exposure to loneliness can cause distress which can interfere with our daily functioning.

Is it possible to change an emotion we want to change? Can we learn skills to better regulate emotions? The answer is a resounded yes!

Emotions happen to all of us. We must seek to recognize our emotions without passing judgement on them. Let go of the thought of perceived emotions as “good” or “bad.” Focus on noticing emotions as a barometer for a specific moment. Often times, emotions appear for legitimate reasons.

Are we new to college life? Are we away from home for the first time? One can see why loneliness would be a natural emotion. How do we change or regulate loneliness?

We must act in the opposite manner loneliness would have us to. Instead of isolating, gently engage with others. In other words, focusing exclusively on the emotion we want to change will only grow its influence in our daily lives. Going where others are and gently engaging may seem like a daunting task, but being willing to feel uncomfortable for a brief time can build new skills. It can be as simple as making eye contact and smiling when with others. Go to an activity on campus and fully participate. Find a smiling face and start a small conversation.

Coping with loneliness through distraction is also effective. Think of activities that requires your full attention. This could include exercising, listening to upbeat music, watching an entertaining movie, reading a suspenseful book. Make sure the distraction creates a pleasant experience.

Gently avoid spending too much time in isolative activities. This would include too much time on electronics or social media. We are intended to have human connections to build a strong sense of community and belonging.

When we are exposed to a new environment, we often experience strong emotions. Please keep in mind others are likely experiencing the same struggles as you. It is ok to share your feelings of loneliness with others. Chances are they are experiencing it too.

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You can schedule an appointment with Thomas Moll through Navigate, or stop by his office in the Health Services area of the Luther Student Center, which is located next to the bookstore.